Here is a list of 10 annoying things that have infiltrated my mid-life routine as constants:
Hair that must be highlighted
Skin that requires an assortment of expensive potions, treatments, and sometimes injections
Foods that must not be eaten
Foods that must be eaten
Acupuncture appointments for the nervous system
Physical therapist appointments for the anatomical system
Regular therapist appointments for the spiritual system
Exercise classes
Regular doctor appointments
Supplements that must be taken both morning and night
What the actual fuck?
Two weeks ago I turned 48, which is to say I am at peak maintenance. Yet, apart from the reading glasses that park themselves on my head — and this aforementioned array of treatments — I am still looking like a solid 38. Totally bragging here, I work for this!
A few weeks ago, the esteemed Anne Helen Peterson wrote about how Millennials are feeling old these days. (I am a Gen X-enial at best, but who cares.) Part of me was like “Uh huh, I am feeling that” and another part of me was like “Old?! In my mid/late-40s? Isn’t this like a size 6 saying they are fat?” So no, I don’t feel old. I live in Santa Fe, New Mexico so I see actual old (85+) constantly. What I feel is…?
Peterson’s essay points to the feeling of being “washed” as in washed up, though I’d like to think it’s more like “gently washed with hand detergent” not in the “stain remover cycle.” Other euphemisms that suddenly are starting to feel relevant? Seasoned, well-worn, experienced, or, well, just older. To be honest, I think this is where language could use up-leveling. New phrases for the midlife? Earned, brilliant, wise, perfectly tuned, curated, blooming, excellent, classic.
Last month, I also went to my 25th college reunion and it was delightful to see old friends. Some of them have kids in college, one just had her first kid three months ago. These 40-somethings are something! In contrast to even five years ago, there was far less of a schmoozy feeling to the gathering and more of a “Sweet, we all still look healthy and cool. Thanks for showing up.”
The overwhelming feeling I had at the reunion was that I am now “pure Cat.” All the ingredients have gone into the bowl: education, marriage, divorce, sobriety, travel, moving states, careers, loss, grief, joy, love, and sorrow — and they have been rendered down into something that is a finer form. And from here who knows what can happen?
I have written about this before but it deserves as much text as you can give it. I feel like one of the cooler corridors of life to hang out in is NOW (assuming you are my peer). In addition to feeling well-made, the best tool we get in our 40s is the ability to say No. No. It’s a complete sentence. No, I don’t want to go to a concert where I have to stand for four hours. No, I don’t want to go to dinner and make small talk with boring, shallow people. No, I don’t want to talk about seasonal baking. No, I don’t want to pay for your cocktails because I don’t drink.
Also, this last no is one of the most important ones: No, I don’t want to give my energy away to things that are not exciting to me. I think this is the best-case use of my emerging crone energy. The more I get into my art interests — and the deeper I consider the world events happening around us — the less tolerance I have for any work that feels redundant or low grade.
A few days after this past birthday, I made a calendar hold for Nov. 1, 2025 to “Give notice.” It’s a short form reminder to myself that toiling away in other people’s salt mines has an expiration date.
So happy birthday to me!
And PS. I’ll go to my grave — or at least cruise into 50 — clutching my highlight foils and retinol.
And that PEAK can live a long, long time and yes it changes with a little more grey hair, a few more wrinkles in the brow and dreaded flabby skin in the upper arms. But even with the aging physical features WE as women grow in wisdom, maturity and success. I support age appropriate good looks in a body with great empathy for others, speaking with love an understanding of others and living a live in purpose for who we are. YOU my dear CAT are very very fortunate, you have it all - a good brain from your Father, great health from your Mother, and life experiences that make you an interesting, warm, responsible human being. You can claim to be a woman admired by many.
Solid 38, I agree 😉