I have been having a hard time gathering my (many and jumbled) thoughts into a unified narrative that would make a good blog post. Or even just a post, scratch good. So this is more of a dump and a “Hello!” then anything else.
The jumble is that much is shifting for me on the internal and external planes. I am guessing they may be shifting for you too? (Call me! Let’s talk about it.)
What is changing?
First, the weather. We are having the first blush of Spring in Santa Fe. After what felt like a very long, cold winter, there is finally more sunshine and blue sky. Today is the first day my porch door is open and I can hear the birds getting excited. Bruno is reclining in a ray on the patio. It sometimes takes so little — one sunbeam — to make a radical difference in mood.
Next, my work is changing. I am finishing up a long three-year project — punctuated by last year’s six-month startup detour — that’s been an extreme lesson in “stakeholder management” and perseverance. It was about as fun as that sounds. In a way, this marks the end of “The Pandemic” for me. I started this job just as we went into lockdown back in March 2020. It was the first time I was not a W-2 office worker. The nature of being a remote contractor enabled me to move from San Francisco to Santa Fe; I was able to get Bruno; and it marked a major transition from corporate startup tech work to social impact work — and working for myself.
My new gig starts March 20, still remote, and still in social impact marketing and communications, but it will flex and challenge some new muscles. It’s a contract through December 2023 so I anticipate more changes in my category of career and work in the coming months and year as I continue to push toward work in climate justice and action.
This work area of my life still feels full of questions. Frustratingly so. I feel a certain tiredness and desperation to not be so bored with work. Alongside is a hunger to combine all my skills into another “at bat” even if I not entirely sure what that looks like. Add another layer of “where” on top of that.
Third, my creative life is changing. I am moving away from writing and into pottery. On a lark in the winter, I signed up for a class at Paseo Pottery, a community-based studio around the corner from my house. It was as if I had been waiting to get my hands on clay my whole life. I love everything about making ceramics: the building, the vision, the art, the patience, the weirdness, the engineering, the chemistry, the earth, the community. I have so many things I want to delve into here back on the page but they don’t feel formed yet and are still raw lumps of potential awaiting shape. Natch.
Lastly, and maybe most importantly, my emotional life seems to be under great revision as I get to a new depth of understanding about what radical (self)love, (self)acceptance, and (self)forgiveness look like. A batch of books, media, and activities have crossed my path in recent weeks from The Mastery of Love, to latter half of this podcast with Sahara Rose and Aubert Bastiat, to “eldest daughter syndrome” to a powerful breathwork session to this New Yorker profile on a philosopher’s take on love, marriage, and friendship.
One of the remarkable things about the recent social media/podcast-led “personal growth” culture is how much attention and awareness are being given to all kinds of trauma and healing. Not just for the obviously wounded but for all people.
We all have mud; we all have lotus.
My little slice of GenX-ness is sandwiched between what feels like a largely (but not always) unconscious generation (Boomers) and radically (sometimes blinded-ly so) enlightened people (Gen Z+). One of the growth edges that is getting clear to me is how to weave the pieces together from what’s old and important and what’s new and necessary. Generations change and wisdom traditions need to stay dynamic while honoring the original seeds of potency.
I am especially heartened by the momentum I am seeing and experiencing about healing ancestral trauma. It’s on my heart and mind to go deeper on what it means to be a multi-generational American of white, northern European-descent and the deep healing that needs to happen there on many, many levels.
In times of change, one thing I am grateful for is that new perspectives or insights come quickly or, as we say in the rooms, more layers of the onion get peeled.
Stay open, stay bright — hold the light. Spring is here.
Such a thoughtful, colorful, self reflective and excellent writer you are Cat! (even if your hands are now covered in clay!)
-Wally
new gig starting right on time for the spring equinox/new moon ✨ I love hearing about your pottery journey and sense how meaningful it is. I am starting a watercolor class this week. it's funny how, as writers, we are called to make something tangible. I am realizing that experimenting and playing with other mediums is so essential to creative work. sounds like there is a lot expanding and shifting for you ♥️